Meet the Cast: Jeff Hensen
We Are Not Saints Series
This is Jay Carson bringing you another interview with the cast of characters from the We Are Not Saints series. Today’s guest is Jeff Hensen. Jeff is originally from Racine, Wisconsin, but now lives and works in San Luis Obispo, California. Jeff is the fourth of the principal characters in the series, and he’s the star of forthcoming novel entitled, The Deacon.
Jay Jeff, welcome to Meet the Cast. San Luis Obispo is a long way from Racine. What brought you out west?
Jeff Thanks for having me. To answer your question, I think, in a roundabout way, I’d have to blame it on Paul Fortis.
Jay How so?
Jeff For most of my life, I’ve been interested in doing service in the context of the Church. I was pre-ministerial in college, and after graduation, the archdiocese sent me to study for the priesthood in Rome. That’s where I met Paul and Jared.
Jay Were they your classmates?
Jeff Not exactly. We lived in the same seminary residence, but they were two years ahead of me. As a first-year student, I was in awe of them. They were everything I wanted to be: smart, good-looking, popular, and spiritual. It didn’t take me long to catch on that they were a gay couple, and that made them even more attractive to me.
Jay Why was that?
Jeff I was struggling with doubts about being able to balance being an out gay man with being a good priest. It’s one thing to be a sexually-active gay Catholic layman and quite another to be a sexually-active gay priest. The demands are different, and the stresses are much different. When I saw how well the two of them seemed to be balancing their relationship with their ministry, it gave me hope that I could do the same.
Jay That’s not how it worked out for you, though, is it?
Jeff [Laughs] No, I’m afraid not. Just the opposite, in fact.
Jay What happened to change your mind?
Jeff As that first year went on, I became very much attracted to Paul, and I could tell the feelings were mutual. I can’t say I was obsessed with him, but to say I had a crush was putting it mildly. I kept looking for opportunities to be alone with him, and I know that he enjoyed his time with me. I think he enjoyed the attention.
Jay What about Jared? Did he suspect that something was going on between you and Paul?
Jeff I’m sure he suspected something. As the year wore on, he got less and less friendly. By the end of the term, he was very cold, almost verbally abusive.
Jay But you continued to pursue a relationship with Paul?
Jeff Uh-huh. The sexual tension between us was off-the-charts, and, by mid-term, we finally started having sex. It got to be a regular thing. We were hot and heavy — on the downlow, of course.
Jay And Paul didn’t express any reservations about that at all?
Jeff Not at the time. I think he was as infatuated with me as I was with him. I figured that he justified his relationship with me the same way he did for his relationship with Jared…you know: human beings struggling to live up to an impossible ideal. Of course, things changed when the school year ended.
Jay What happened?
Jeff Paul and Jared were ordained deacons and got summer assignments there in Rome. I went back to Racine to work, and I volunteered at a local parish. Paul and I had to be satisfied with writing letters back and forth. They were very explicit. We enjoyed describing in great detail what we were going to do to each other when we got back to school in the fall. At least, they started out that way. A lot of the heat drained out of them by the end of the summer, and just before I returned to Rome, I got a “dear John” letter from Paul.
Jay What changed his mind?
Jeff I can only guess. On one hand, the newness was wearing off and we were already starting to settle into a familiar routine. And I think that trying to balance two romantic relationships with his upcoming ordination to the priesthood was beginning to get to him. I also think that Jared was putting not-so-subtle pressure on him. He never said anything to either one of us that I know of but I’m sure he knew. Jared’s a very perceptive guy.
Jay So Paul called it off?
Jeff Yup. He dropped me. He told me later that he burned all my letters. In retrospect, that’s what I should have done.
Jay Apparently, you didn’t?
Jeff No, sad to say, I kept them all. At the time, I wasn’t ready to let Paul go. He was my first passionate affair, and I got to torture myself by rereading his letters over and over, making myself good and miserable. On the outside, I pretended it was over, but it wasn’t.
Jay Was Paul aware of how you felt?
Jeff [Laughs] I don’t think so. He can be oblivious sometimes. I think Jared was keeping tight reins on him.
Jay Did Jared know about you guys’ correspondence?
Jeff Not at the time, but he found out and that caused no end of trouble.
Jay That still doesn’t explain how you got to San Luis Obispo.
Jeff Right. By Christmas of that year, the Paul thing was history. I woke up to the fact that I wasn’t being honest with myself. I think I was in love more with the idea of the priesthood than the reality. After the break, I started exploring my options. I contacted my uncle Roger in San Luis. He’s Catholic and does legal work for the diocese. I was pretty sure he’d understand my dilemma, and he did. He thought I might like studying law and offered me an internship with him. It was the best offer I had, so I took it.
Jay And you knew that San Luis Obispo was Paul’s diocese and that he’d be there after ordination?
Jeff [Laughs] Let’s just say it didn’t discourage me from moving there.
Jay Everything you’ve been sharing with us so far is related to Paul and Jared’s book, The Priest. What can you tell us about your own book, The Deacon?
Jeff My book picks up a couple of years later when I’m just starting out in my law practice with my uncle’s firm. My first assignment seemed innocent enough, but the more I got into it, the worse it got. There was some serious criminal activity going on that involved some very bad actors. But that’s just part of it. Issues come up involving both my family and Paul’s, and, to complicate everything, Paul wanted to get me even more involved with him and the Church by having me ordained as a deacon. All of this took its toll on me, but you’ll have to read the book to find out how it all shook out.
Jay Everyone lives happily ever after?
Jeff Can’t say. All I know is that I survived it all — otherwise I wouldn’t be talking to you today.
Jay I hope our readers are as intrigued by this as I am, and look for an opportunity to read your book. Thank you so much, Jeff, for spending this time with us.
That’s all the time we have for today. There are many more cast members standing by in the wings, waiting to speak with us. Next time, we’re very honored to have as our guest Bishop Clarence Mickleson, the first bishop of the Diocese of San Luis Obispo and Paul and Jared’s superior. We hope to find out some more about his diocese and his reflections on his two priest friends.
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NOW Email Jeff: Jeff.Hensen@WeAreNotSaints.net
